Time to ride the Fiery Carousel....

So, I just did the math, and I'm not liking these numbers.

No, not these numbers....

THESE numbers: As of tomorrow, I turn 30 in 69 days. What exactly that combination of numbers is supposed to indicate, I'm not quite sure. I have a feeling there will be nudity.
Time to ride the fiery carousel, I suppose. (If you're confused, do a clicky-clicky on the linky-linky)

Needless to say, I'm not exactly enthused about the sun-setting of my 20's. There's no bitter-sweetness about it, there's no "30 is the new 20" mantra going on in my mind. Nothing. Nada.

I loathe the thought of it. I have a feeling it has to do with the strange neurosis my parents have bestowed upon me from birth, wanting me to accomplish EVERYTHING they couldn't by the time I was 25, combined with the more recent, incessant badgering about when I'm getting a real job, getting married and becoming the full-time baby machine that my parents hope to live vicariously through. Needless to say, I'm a bit of a disappointment in their opinion, at least in terms of providing them with babies. Lots and lots of babies. (I'm not quite sure why they want so many babies. I'm beginning to think they are perhaps some sort of strange mutants that get their nutrition from the life source of infants)

Besides my parents' frequent niggling about the fact that "when they were my age, they already bought a house, had 2 kids andthisisthepointwhenItuneout...", I'm just feeling a little personal disappointment, I suppose. I thought I'd be a bit better travelled, perhaps be a little further along in my education that I'm paying far too much money for, and have my personal life in a little bit better state. I know, someone will inevitably say "you still have your 30's to do that, you know? It's not like you're going to die as soon as you turn 30."

And what if I do? Then what, smart ass? Won't you feel stupid then??

But we're not talking about you, we're talking about me having a ...uh...1/3 life crisis? HA! Yeah, there's NO WAY I'm living to 90!! Guh...

What it comes down to, is I guess I'm beginning to feel that strange level of "irrelevance" that seems to be afflicting many people I know in the same age range. No one really cares about 30 year olds...they aren't as "cool" and "youthful" as 20 year-olds (even though they have 2-3 times the disposable income); they aren't as affluent and settled as 40 year-olds, and hey...they ain't fucking seniors or tweens. What are 30 year-olds, then? It's this weird liminal state that seems to describe most people in that age range now, especially if you're a yuppie like me- don't have the house with the white picket fence, the 2.5 kids, the station wagon OR the dog. (I'm aware that the concept of the nuclear family is a pretty dated one at this day in age, but there are quite a few people who still operate under the assumption that it's the right way to be...pretty much, anyone who isn't in their 30's. Or my parents).

Another factor adding to my feeling of impending irrelevance is this sense that I should have done something WAY fucking cooler with my life. Yeah, I packed into dark warehouses with thousands of other kids, hopped up on whatever illicit narcotics were available, and yeah I've got a pretty kickass pad, and a pretty bitchin' car, some sweet tattoos and an amazing boyfriend. (Anyone else think 8 years is too long to wait for some tattooed wedding bands?? ) While all this stuff makes my life great, I'm just left feeling that this geeky little woman should have done something a little more brag-worthy. Being a bedroom DJ just isn't cutting it anymore...I feel like I'm losing my edge.


I came across a blog today, with another woman suffering from the same sense of non-awesomeness at turning 30. She set herself a pretty lofty goal: do 30 amazing things that she's always wanted to do, the year she turns 30. Good concept...poor execution. Kinda lame, really. (See?? You get LAME when you turn 30!!) One of her top 10 was reading the God Delusion by Richard Dawkins. Excellent book...it's on my list of "must reads"...but as a GOAL for giving her new life as a 30 year-old meaning?? *slaps forehead*

I've decided I'm going to assign myself the same task...'cept different. I am determined to be as non-lame as possible! If I'm going to compile a list of tasks that I will endeavor to complete in my 30th year of life, which I believe will make me a better person, my life feel more complete, and dispell the myths of being a total loser, as imposed by marketing giants....they're going to be FUCKING KICKASS!!1!!

First on my list - finish my reverse half-sleeve tattoo. (I know some of you are scratching your heads going "reverse half sleeve?? Is that like, some sort of skateboarding trick?". No, numb nuts ...it's not. Instead of getting a tattoo on the outside of my arm, this bitch is going to run from the inside of my elbow, down to my ribs. So there.

There's #1. I'm going to keep compiling, and keep everyone abreast of the goings-on.
*snicker* I said 'breast'.

I will also welcome suggestions...the awesomer, the better.
Y'Hear?? I said AWESOMERRRR!! If it sucks, I will publicly humiliate you. Word.

aaaannnd....that's why I can't go for that.


Snoochie boochies,
Skippy